deanna (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} deanna) wrote,@ 2009-01-02 16:32:00 |
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6 months ago...
This isn't Anne Rice's idea of a vampire story.
There are no beautiful, gauzzian-laced versions of Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise drifting through history. (And really, Tom Cruise? Who in their right-fucking minds would cast him as Lestat? I've met my fair share of the undead over the past few centuries and TRUST ME, there ain't no such thing.)
Romantic vampires get staked, pure and simple. In the dark days, you killed to survive. You lived in shadow. (Okay, not exactly lived but you get my point.) You could try and pass as human, and if you were lucky, most believed you. But you never stayed in one place too long. Nosy snoopers wondered why you never showed up for mass, or visited the market. You robbed or prostituted yourself just to have enough money to rent a room with heavy curtains. (On that part, Anne was half-right. Vampires are sexually fucked-up. At least I knew who I was before being turned.)
Coffins filled with dirt from your burial plot? Bullshit. Sure, 99% squat in a crypt, because newly-turned vampires don't know better. They can't hide behind the mask of civility, or smile at a child without showing teeth. That takes concentration, restraint. Time.
Crosses? They wicked burn. It's the power of Belief. Not because of a guy who had a bad day 2,000 years ago.
Blood? Yum. Yup we need it to survive. We can eat and drink other stuff, but we can't really taste it. Which really pisses me off. I could drink a roomful of wrestlers under the table but not appreciate the burn of tequila on my tongue.
My name was Marie. Now I go by Deanna. This is a no-holds barred account of life, death, and life after death.
Most of it is true. Some of it is gonna be bullshit, just to piss off Oprah. Got a problem with that?
Didn't think so.
Strap in kids.
I'm your worst nightmare, and you can't wait to know more.
PROLOGUE
This isn't Anne Rice's idea of a vampire story.
There are no beautiful, gauzzian-laced versions of Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise drifting through history. (And really, Tom Cruise? Who in their right-fucking minds would cast him as Lestat? I've met my fair share of the undead over the past few centuries and TRUST ME, there ain't no such thing.)
Romantic vampires get staked, pure and simple. In the dark days, you killed to survive. You lived in shadow. (Okay, not exactly lived but you get my point.) You could try and pass as human, and if you were lucky, most believed you. But you never stayed in one place too long. Nosy snoopers wondered why you never showed up for mass, or visited the market. You robbed or prostituted yourself just to have enough money to rent a room with heavy curtains. (On that part, Anne was half-right. Vampires are sexually fucked-up. At least I knew who I was before being turned.)
Coffins filled with dirt from your burial plot? Bullshit. Sure, 99% squat in a crypt, because newly-turned vampires don't know better. They can't hide behind the mask of civility, or smile at a child without showing teeth. That takes concentration, restraint. Time.
Crosses? They wicked burn. It's the power of Belief. Not because of a guy who had a bad day 2,000 years ago.
Blood? Yum. Yup we need it to survive. We can eat and drink other stuff, but we can't really taste it. Which really pisses me off. I could drink a roomful of wrestlers under the table but not appreciate the burn of tequila on my tongue.
My name was Marie. Now I go by Deanna. This is a no-holds barred account of life, death, and life after death.
Most of it is true. Some of it is gonna be bullshit, just to piss off Oprah. Got a problem with that?
Didn't think so.
Strap in kids.
I'm your worst nightmare, and you can't wait to know more.